Last dream of 2012

I need to start having better dreams. Last night, I had a very short dream that I was taking a test at work. I was ready to hand it in with five minutes to spare when I realized that I hadn’t even read the questions in full and had missed some sections on the questions. I didn’t panic. I didn’t really care.

Productive dream: a character, a setting, a story

On occasion I'll have a productive dream where I'll solve a problem that has eluded any daytime solutions. I'll wake in the middle of the night with a fully formed plan of action and then have trouble getting back to sleep because I'm too excited because I know that this dreamt up solution will work.

Something similar just happened. Only, my problem was actually a vague story idea that popped into my head an hour before bedtime and my dream solution was an early pivotal scene in my main character's development.

Now that I had this dream, I'm fully awake (perhaps also partly due to my hacking cough) and ready to fill in the blanks - what I just learned, what I still need to figure out.

Some of what I knew about this world and character before going to bed:
- There's not a lot of sunlight. When it's cloudy, it may as well be nighttime.
- It's cold, whether it's winter or summer. Winter is still the coldest and people dream of the relief brought by warm -10C days.
- Main character is a teenage girl.

What I now know thanks to my dream:
- Most people live in rural areas because they are more safe. The only ones who choose to live in cities are ones that need to - to be near hospitals or other resources.
- My main character is young, female and a runaway who's come to the city.
- My main character is dying.
- She thinks she knows what she's doing (her motives are based on the limited knowledge she has) only she doesn't really understand the world she's living in and is in fact putting herself in more danger needlessly.

Mini dream - a theft

It was quick. I dreamt that I left my purse in my car and when I went back to get it, all the cards in my wallet had been stolen. A neighbour was doing yard work in front of his house. I asked him who had been in/near my car and he refused to tell me anything.

Eek!

Almost a month since my last post. I’m so incredibly sorry. I’m going through a severe dream drought and have barely dreamt anything. Everything is short, disconnected and hardly worth the virtual ink.

Tidbits of recent dreams:

- I was on a bus. I got off and started to run away.

- A live goose sitting on a kitchen counter, next to a microwave.

- A two sentence conversation with my Dad.

- A problem with my cable and internet bill.

- A dream about making a choice, but there weren’t any options

See? Pathetic.

I’m hoping that this weekend will bring about extra rest thereby permitting better dream quality and storyline. Or maybe I should just eat some extra turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Dream 045 – family, injuries, over-reacting

This one was short, but it had some resemblance to plot.

*start of dream*

I am outdoors with many family members, young and old. Everyone is running around having a nice time, but we’re also falling down a lot. There are many scrapes and bruises that need minor first aid.

I fall and skin a large section of skin off my left shin. The scraped section was bright red, but not bleeding. Still, it’s sore and I apply a large bandage to protect it.

While I’m taking care of my leg, I see that one of my younger nephews takes a huge fall. He must have hurt himself, but he shrugs it off. Then my sister goes over to him and starts yelling at him about something he said earlier. My sister is in tears because her feelings were hurt and my nephew just stands there and listens to her tirade. Another family member comes to stand next to me as we watch and we start commenting to each other about how this little kid can so easily brush off a terrible fall, but a grown adult can’t shrug off something said by a young child.

*end of dream*

Dream 044 (mini-dream) – a vacation, a website, cake

I think I need to re-evaluate my caffeine strategy. Over the past couple of months, I found that upping my caffeine during the day made my dreams more vivid. Now, I think it’s having the opposite effect. I’ve been back from vacation for about a week and my dreams are sub-standard. I’m having mini-dreams at best, which breaks my little dreaming heart.

*start of dream*

I’m standing in a bedroom with a friend. Her belongings are scattered across a bed. She’s packing for a vacation of some sort. She hadn’t told me that she was going away and I try to hide my disappointment because I was hoping to invite her to something (can’t remember what). I know she needs this get-away, so I tell her that I hope she gets a lot of rest while she’s gone.

I then turn my attention to helping someone build a website. He’s picked a strange format of leading with text and putting pictures at the end. I tell him that’s like baking a cake and once it has been eaten, you announce “Hey! I have icing too!”

*end of dream*

Dream 043 (mini-dream) - Impostor!

I’m back! I was away on vacation. Yes I had some dreams. No, I didn’t write them down. Sorry, but it was a vacation from everything.

So now I’m back and all I have to show for it is a strange mini-dream.

*start of dream*

I’m standing in the kitchen in my mom’s house. My mom’s putting things away in the cupboard. Then my mom walks into the kitchen. (Huh?) Okay, it’s my mom again or is it a copy of my mom? I know one is real and one is an impostor. My gut tells me which one is my real mom. I wasn’t able to decide what to do about the impostor before I woke up.

*end of dream*

Dream 042 – a dream within a dream – numbers, a friend, water plants

This one was interesting to say the least.

*start of dream*

I’m sitting with a friend who I see fairly often. He’s telling me that on Wednesday he’ll be paid $20. He keeps on repeating the numbers 4, 5 and 20.

I wake up (within the dream) and realize that I was dreaming. I was sleeping on a bed in my Mom’s house. A friend who I haven’t seen in a couple of years is sitting at the foot of the bed. She tells me that she was downstairs visiting with some other friends and decided to come up and see me. She gives me a hug.

Then I notice that people are arriving to the house. I go halfway down the stairs to watch the front door. My Dad walks in, followed by one of my nephews. My Dad looks straight at me and smiles widely before walking on through to the kitchen and out of sight.

I go back up the stairs to the bathroom, where my Mom is running water in the sink. I tell her that either I am dreaming or that something has happened. (This is because I know my Dad can’t really be there.) My Mom tells me that this is not a dream. I open the medicine cabinet and pull out one of many pill bottles. I try to read the label, but it’s in gibberish. I tell my Mom that this must be a dream because I can’t read the bottle. She responds that it’s in Italian.

As I start to wake up, I see a patch on green water plants floating on the surface of some water. It’s raining.

*end of dream*

Dream 041 – Dodge Shadow, no brakes, hoarding

I'm not sure where this one came from. I was as puzzled when I woke up as I was during the dream

*start of dream*

I’m standing just outside of a building near my mom’s house. I’m waiting for a ride. My sister and her husband pull up in my Mom’s old white Dodge Shadow. I immediately ask her where she got the car and she tells me that she kept it after Mom got rid of it. But then I asked her whether she was supposed to use it as a trade-in. Yes, she responds, but she couldn’t bear getting rid of it so she’s been parking it in a lane way a couple of blocks away from her house so Mom wouldn’t know.

Next she informs me that I’ll need to drive, but I should be warned that the brakes are really bad (or non-existent). I’m really not comfortable with this plan and tell her that the car shouldn’t be on the road. She agrees with me and says that’s why she left her kids at home.

My brother-in-law starts giving me a hard time about me not wanting to drive and he goes off on a rant about world politics and history. I start ranting back at him that it’s insane that not only is this the same car I used to do my driving tests when I was a teenager, but that my sister is a pack-rat and he’s letting her hoarding flow out into the neighborhood.

*end of dream*

Dream 040 – a restaurant, a blue bird, A.F.

This dream didn’t have much plot, but it was vivid for the décor.

*start of dream*

I’m in a fancy restaurant. It’s moderately busy. I’m sitting towards the middle of the restaurant with a man that I don’t know. I look up and notice that the farther you look up, the more the ceiling transitions into a canopy of trees. The trees are decorated with little white lights, and it’s very beautiful.

I notice a large tropical bird sitting in a tree above us. It’s blue in colour and has long feathers extending off its tail. Just by looking at the bird, I know that it’s lost and the bird’s owner goes by the initials “A.F.” It had flown out the window from its owner’s place across the street, and came to make a new home in the trees of the restaurant.

The man reachs up and extends his hand towards the bird. The large bird morphs into a little blue bird about the size of the chickadee, perches itself on the man’s fingers and begins chirping.

*end of dream*

Dream 039 – classroom, presentation, office

This one didn’t make a lot of sense even as I was having it.

*start of dream*

I’m in a high school classroom of about 10 or 15 people. There’s a teacher at the front of the room asking that we turn our attention to a guest lecturer. The guest lecturer then begins to tell us about her business and all the services that it offers. I’m bored. I have no use for these service (don’t remember what they were).

The presenter tries to make her pitch more interactive, so she starts asking the students questions about what she’s saying. I’m not paying attention, so when a question is asked to me, I ask the presenter to repeat the question. The teacher gets mad and yells at me for not listening. I tell the teacher that I have no need in any of these services. I also remind the teacher I’ve already graduated from high school, so there is no reason for me being here. I ask the teacher to be excused, but the teacher refuses. I then tell the teacher that I’ll send myself to the office.

I walk though a series of hallways and eventually find the office. I approach the counter, but the dream ends before I can speak with anyone.

*end of dream*

Follow-up to Dream 037

Yesterday afternoon, I spoke with my mom on the phone. I told her about Wednesday night's dream and she encouraged me to call my brother. I felt like a fool because he's a very practical person and our conversations never veer in the direction of dreams. Anyway, I called and left a message. He returned the call late last night. I didn't want to alarm him because my dream was about his wife, but I felt that I needed to convey as much information as I could. He just listened to me as I told him everything, including the part where my mom and sister were telling me it had something to do with the head or a headache.

And then he asked what night this happened... Okay, I wasn't expecting that question.

I told him it happened Wednesday night and he said that was odd because he woke up with a massive headache on Thursday morning, the biggest he's ever had, he said. This got us on the topic of other recent dreams and we exchanged a few about our dad. It was nice.

So has anyone else ever been spooked by the realism or accuracy of a dream?

Dream 038 (mini-dream) – a secret, a phone call, a play

I had a mini-dream last night. It was quick, tidy and slightly bizarre.

*start of dream*

One of my co-workers tells us that he has a secret. It is written on a small piece of paper that he always keeps with him. Somehow we get the piece of paper away from him and we all huddle around to read it. It’s a phone number. There wasn’t much discussion; we set the nearest phone to speakerphone and dial.

The phone rings once and then a woman answers. “James Joyce’s office,” she clearly states. Looks of confusion are quickly exchanged. Somehow we have called a number for a dead writer.

Not knowing what else to do, I tell the lady that we had misdialed and we were trying to reach Stephen King. (I just blurted it out, believing that I needed to give this woman a cover story.) She was very understanding and then hung up the phone.

Next, another co-worker says that this secret wasn’t nearly as much fun as she had imagined and announces that she’s going to head upstairs to see if she can still catch the stage play. Apparently there’s some sort of production scheduled.

*end of dream*

Dream 037 – family members, a bridge, a message

Last night I had a freaky moment as I was falling asleep. I was in that moment of sleepy transition and I was overcome with the thought/belief that I was choking on a coin. I startled myself awake and had my feet firmly on floor, ready to charge across the room to grab the phone and dial for help. Just as I started to stand up, I realized that I had nothing in my mouth and could breathe normally. There was a big sigh of relief as I lay back down. Still, I found the dream from the night before to be even more alarming.

On Wednesday night I experienced my dream in a way I never imagined possible. It almost felt like a sci-fi story where a character travels into a different dimension and, upon their return, is tasked to deliver a message that will ultimately save the world. Okay, I’m being dramatic, so just read on and you might understand the comparison.

*start of dream*

I’m sitting in the middle row of seats in a van. My mother is driving. My oldest sister is in the back row of seats. I immediately recognize that I’m dreaming and I announce to them both that this is a dream. They look at me strangely and demand proof. I think about it quickly and then pull out my cell phone. I’m looking at the key pad, but I can’t read any of the numbers. This is the proof, I tell them. If this was reality, I would be able to read the numbers, but because I can’t I must be dreaming.

My mom and sister still didn’t believe me. So I tell them that I will just force myself to wake up and then they’ll have to believe me. I try my hardest to wake up, but repeatedly I fail. It has happened before that I can will myself to wake up, but nothing. This is alarming and I start to panic a bit.

My mom starts to drive faster on the bridge. The car veers to the left and we fall into a culvert off to the side. My mom just keeps driving like nothing’s wrong. We make it to the other side and we’re now driving through hallways with doors. Every time I think we’re going to crash, my mom pulls a fast Mario Kart move and we’re launched into a new hallway.

I announce to my mother and sister that I’m convinced more than ever that I’m dreaming. My mom pulls the van over. I tell them that I’m certain. It may be reality for them, but deep down, I know it’s a dream for me.

My mom and sister exchange a really awkward glance and then look at me strangely. Then maybe you can stop it from happening, my mom says. What? What happened? My sister then tells me that my sister-in-law was in a car accident. She ran a red light and crashed her vehicle. It had something to do with a headache or her brain, they were explaining.

I tried to assure my mom and sister that my sister-in-law was okay. This was a dream so in the real world she was okay. But then my mom got really serious and told me that I needed to warn her when I woke up. Drive safely and watch for the red lights. I promised my mom I would tell her.

That’s when I woke up.

*end of dream*

Dream 036 - a mirror, group photo, sponsor a child

Wow! All this heat and humidity certainly did wonders for my dream drought. The dream flowed while it was happening last night, but the two parts are unrelated...

*start of dream*

Part 1 - I am house sitting for a relative. In the basement, there are a series of medicine cabinets with mirrored fronts and they open up to reveal many shelves inside. These cabinets have been decorated with wallpaper over the glass in places (mostly the top edge of the mirror, but all over for some.)

I decide to clean the mirrors, but all I have is a drain cleaning solution (like Drano.) I fill a squirt bottle and spray all the mirrors. I wipe and rinse the first mirror. It's much cleaner. I then move to the second mirror and the wallpaper is peeling off. I had left the solution on too long and it was eating through the rest of the wallpaper. The mirrors, however, are sparkling.

Part 2 - I'm standing with a friend in a large office. She's telling me that she is going to be teaching at the university. She then whispers to me about how she caved to student pressure and organized a group photo for all the students under her faculty. She was feeling really guilty because the school had told professors that it would not pay for the photo.

I then asked her who paid for the photo. She said that she did from her own money and it cost $200. I then asked if it was a professional photographer? Of course, she responds and students can buy copies. And what are you going to do to with any profits after the $200 cost is recouped? She says that she is going to use it to sponsor a child with an overseas agency, probably World Vision. I tell her that she shouldn't feel guilty one bit. The school hadn't said the photo couldn't be taken, only that it would not pay to take it. She had seen this opportunity and turned it into a student community-building fundraiser. Most importantly, once a child was sponsored, the students could take it upon themselves to organize more fundraisers. My friend seemed to be satisfied with my reasoning.

*end of dream*

Dreams 034 & 035 - a race, online shopping, rain gear

I need to cover two nights of dreams with one post. I can best describe my dream from Saturday night as a scene from a narrative. On occasion, I have these dreams that form the perfect set-up for a story. I am viewing events from someone's perspective but the person or character is not me. The difference between this type of dream and any other where I am "not myself" is that I wake up feeling some form a regret that I couldn't find out what happened. I had been given the set-up, the tone, the character, the world, but the full plot is missing. The very strange thing about Saturday was that I also woke up with two story titles in my head. Both capture it exactly and I'm not sharing. Sorry.

I have made the decision not to share too much about Saturday night's dream. I want to let it simmer and see if more plot can emerge. I'll add it to the list of others that are still simmering. My dream stove is filling up! The last one like this occurred almost exactly one year ago when I was staying at a family member's cottage over a long weekend. That one is still simmering, taking form and maybe I'll write it all down one day...

What I can say about Saturday's dream is that I was participating in a race, which was also an entrance exam for a school. That's all I'll say. Again, sorry.

Okay, so on to last night!

*start of dream*

I'm sitting in a kitchen when my sister and a couple of friends come over. We're making plans for the upcoming long weekend. We decide to go online to check out special events in the area. We pull down a large display screen and conduct our group browsing with an overhead projector. We come across an events listings site and my sister starts scrolling through the listings way too quickly. She tries to slow down, but she's a demon with her scrolling skills. I end up stealing the mouse away from her to scroll at a normal pace.

Our searches bring us to appropriate attire for the weekend and we start browsing through rain clothing and gear. Most of the attire is appropriately decorated with tons of red maple leaves. We start asking each other if we think the seller will have enough.

*end of dream*

Now, I don't really pay too much attention to the weather forecasts because I'm equally content whether its sunny or raining. But for kicks I did look at the extended forecast this morning and it is saying 5 to 10 mm for July 1. I know the forecast can change, but part of me wants to take this dream as a warning that it's going to rain a lot that day and I should check if I have appropriate rain gear for the weekend.

Dream 033 - Father's Day dream

This one was short, but special.

*start of dream*

I was standing in the dining room at camp. My dad was there. We are talking about fresh vegetables. In particular, he was telling me how much he likes fresh corn. (Completely the truth! My dad LOVED corn on the cob! No one could clean off that cob better than him!)

We hug. I notice he's wearing his blue terry cloth "camp" housecoat. I look at the housecoat and think to myself that I should be doing something with that, like turning it into pillows or something, now that he's gone. Even in my dream I recognize the duality that my dad is standing in front of me, but cannot really be there.

*end of dream*

When I wake up, I realize how young my dad looked in the dream. I also was asking myself if he still used that housecoat at camp. Maybe it was a dream from the past?

Dream 032 - tv, rain, radio, train accident

This one was incredibly clear (and disturbing). I'm posting right away to not miss any details.

*start of dream*

I'm sitting in the living room at the cottage. I'm watching a tv show. In the show, the main characters are attending a country music concert. They each experience a pivotal moment in their development while standing in the audience. Two of the characters even decide to sneak backstage and to impersonate back-up singers in order to dance on stage.

I'm not able to finish watching because I hear a noise at the back door. I go to investigate. My sister has just arrived. I look outside and can see that it is raining. I tell her that I'll be "inside person." She can pass her stuff to me at the door because I'm not wanting to go out into the rain.

My sister ends up not bringing stuff inside and just comes in out of the rain. We go to the dining room and turn in the CB radio, which is also working like a normal radio and playback machine.

We are listening to news items when my sister asks if I had heard the news??!! I don't know what she's talking about. She fast forwards through the newscast, but goes too far. We've arrived to the commentary and reaction part. I don't understand why people are so shaken. My sister informs me that the there was a train accident involving a New York-bound train. 10 people lost their lives, including a well-known personality who was said to have been pinned to her seat in the wreckage. Everyone was shaken by her loss.

*end of dream*

Dream 031 – a motorcycle, a freeway, a 1.6 km run

Last night’s dream was fairly lively, but lacking substantial plot.

*start of dream*

I was riding with a friend on a motorcycle. The strange thing was that this motorcycle was constructed more like a bicycle. Even more strangely, passengers would ride in a very large basket across the handle bars.

We started off at a leisurely pace, but we started going faster and faster. Soon, I realize that we’re on a freeway. I look back at the speedometer and we’re sailing through at 130 km/h. I yell (to be heard over the highway noise) and ask if we can take the city streets so we can go slower. My friend refuses. It’s not that far, he insists.

We end up taking some interchanges and transfer to another bigger freeway. We get stuck behind a truck pulling a large white cube-shaped trailer. We almost get crushed when the truck changes lanes.

Eventually my friend pulls over on the side of the road and gets off the motorcycle. He informs me that he needs to go for his daily run and proceeds off to the right of the freeway. It’s only 1.6 km and I need to join him, he says.

We leave the motorcycle and go for a run. The path is a mix of flat and very steep sections. At one point he brings me up a steep section and I look down. If I lost my footing, I would fall quite far and certainly be injured. He persists and I push through after a taking a few seconds to psych myself up for the big climb ahead.

*end of dream*

Dream 030 - telecommunications company

It has been fairly uneventful in the dream department recently. I had several consecutive nights with absolutely no dreams that I could remember. Thinking back, the most recent dream before last night's was over a week ago! I dreamt that a rabid raccoon was trying to get in my back door. I knew he was rabid because it was the middle of the day and, as a nocturnal animal, he should be sleeping. I didn't post because I didn't have the time and then the dream drought started.

Anyways, the good news is that I'm back, possibly due entirely to my conscious decision to have some caffeine before bed. (Thank you, Pepsi!)

*start of dream*

I'm in a car with someone I know, but not too well. He's the co-worker of a friend. We're waiting outside a large single story building. A chartered bus pulls up and about forty people file off the bus and into the building. We get out of the car and follow them.

Inside, the people are sitting at cafeteria style tables while I and a few others that I know are standing at the front of the room. We begin our presentation. We are launching a telecommunications company. Before us are prospective customers. We bussed them in so everyone could meet.

We complete the presentation and win over their support by promising personalized service. "When you call in for help, it's the people before you that will answer the call." They seemed to really like that.

The presentation wraps up, and the potential customers leave. We then take a quick tour around our new headquarters. It's also a converted bowling alley! Random, but awesome.

*end of dream*

Dream 029 – summer camp, Aiden, volleyball

This one was me, but it’s not my life. It’s nice to have some variety in my dream world! Now, I don’t know anyone named Aiden, so this person in my dream is a mystery to me.

*start of dream*

I’m standing in a corridor with lots of little kids. There are a few other adults around. I’m a camp counsellor. We are getting the kids organized. Finally, they’re off to their next activity! Now I have to go upstairs. I walk down the hallway and find the staircase. I walk up one level and enter into a room that could be a gymnasium.

Kids and adults are everywhere. It must be parents’ day. I’m making my way through the crowds when a short boy with dark hair runs right into me and falls to the ground, knocking his forehead on the floor. His mother rushes to his side to check on him. He’s crying but ok. The mother turns to me and starts to yell. I’m the adult, she says, so I should be watching out for kids in every direction. I holler back at her. I don’t recall exactly what was said, but it was sarcastic and it shut her up.

I continue through the crowd and enter a wide hallway with a large staircase heading downstairs towards a large door. I meet up with a fellow camp counsellor. He’s wearing a name badge around his neck, so I know his name is Aiden. We’re both on break, so we decide to head down the stairs and outside to the camp counsellors' area.

Outside, the weather is perfect. We’re close to a lake where children are swimming in a roped off area. Other stations for kids to play are set-up around this picturesque property. Aiden and I go into the camp counsellor area and we find a volleyball. We start passing it around with the other camp counsellors. Someone hits it really hard and the ball goes soaring over a fence and is heading for the lake. I yell “splash!” just as it hits the water.

Aiden is about to climb the fence to go down to the lake and retrieve the ball, when we notice that the kids in the swimming area saw our ball hit the water. It’s farther down shore from them, but one of the older kids signals that she’ll go get it for us. This kid starts swimming out from the buoy line, but the buoys get caught on her bathing suit and are being pulled behind her.

The younger kids start to panic because they were told to only swim within the lines. The lines are now moving along the shore, so the younger kids start following the older kid who is on the errant volleyball mission. The little kids are trying desperately to stay within the buoy lines. We start yelling at the kids to stop, but they won’t listen and keep swimming to stay inside those lines that are moving farther and farther away.

*end of dream*

Dream 028 - tour bus crash, a trolley, a computer mouse

*start of dream*

I'm sitting at a table. I don't know where this table was, but it didn't matter for the dream. Someone else is there and we're reading a newspaper. There's a story about someone famous who just died in a tour bus crash in Germany. (real person, but is still living to the best of my knowledge. A little creepy.)

I hear noises outside, so I go to the window. Outside, there's a trolley on the sidewalk. It's approaching and it's half-full of passengers. I see that one of my sisters is on board, but she only has two children (not three) with her and the kids are much younger than they really are (dream in the past?). They get off the trolley and come inside.

My sister has brought me a gift. It's a gold necklace with diamonds. As I'm holding the necklace, my hands start to itch. I'm allergic to gold in this dream. My sister takes the necklace back and gives me a computer mouse that looks like a floppy stuffed animal. My sister says it is designed to hold an egg. Putting an egg in the mouse makes it the most ergonomic design available, she explains.

*end of dream*

Dream 027 – A lot of mini-dreams!

Mini-dream 1:

I was standing in a shopping mall on the second level. A man is standing with his back to the railing, which overlooks the escalators and the first level. The man’s son is sitting on his shoulders. For some reason the boy is wearing a hockey helmet. Then the boy slips off this father’s shoulders and falls over the railing and lands at the bottom of the escalator. Everyone starts screaming. Miraculously, the boy survives the fall and starts coming back up the escalator to his father. He is bawling, probably from being both injured and scared.

Mini-dream 2:

I’m in an underground pedestrian tunnel. A woman in lying on a public bench and is in terrible pain. It is either her hips or her stomach that is giving her trouble. I ask her if I should call an ambulance, but she refuses. A friend from high school walks up to us. She whispers that I need to move her before “the others” find her. I nod in agreement and turn back to the woman. I convince the woman that we need to walk it off.

Mini-dream 3:

I’m in a grocery store in the produce section. Every time someone walks near me, I get a flash of their name and future career prospects. Very strange.

Mini-dream 4:

I'm sitting on a bench with my sister. She asks to borrow my brown boots, to which I agree.

Dream 026 - subway/bus, a joke, frustration

*start of dream*

I'm on a subway car, only the inside looks like a very wide public bus. I'm standing near the back. I think I'm heading north because the stop names are familiar. This lady pushes through to the back and opens up a window (which is why I said it felt like a bus earlier.) The lady leaves and we can feel how cold it's becoming. A man goes up to the window and slams it shut. We know that the lady will be mad if she returns so we all agree to tell her it was someone else who closed it.

Soon, the stop names are becoming less familiar. I pull out my phone and check my GPS. It says we're heading east, not north. (There's also a blinking sign near my mom's house that says "call".) I try to remain calm and get off at the next station.

At the next station, I discover they only offer coach bus service back into town. There are two lines and neither sets of passengers are willing to tell me where they are going. I ask a lady if I have to pay to go back into town and she starts being really mean, telling me I'm an idiot to think the bus service is free. I was only asking if you have to pay twice if you're already in the public transit system.

Whatever! I decide to buy a ticket anyways, only the man selling tickets is not helpful. It costs me $10.50. I receive my ticket which is a long piece of paper with a clear sticker near the bottom. I pick the longest line, figuring it will be the one going back into town.

A man comes up to me. He says that I look a little stressed. I respond that I'm new and not familiar with the transit system here. He asks if I come from a family of dancers. Maybe I immigrated at pirouette 21. I look at him strangely. He then says its a joke. Pier 21. Pirouette 21. He looks completely defeated, so I start to laugh. I tell him it's very funny, but I just wasn't quick enough to get it. He walks away feeling slightly better.

After the encounter with the man, I still need to find the end of the line. The line is flowing into a new section of the station, behind a big door. I'm waiting there in line with a small group of women with kids in strollers. Every couple of seconds we open the door to check the line status. Next thing we know, the line has disappeared.

We start running. The ticket seller announces the bus is leaving in five minutes. The pack is running, but one by one, the members of the group go off in different directions. This is getting more and more frustrating. I'm soon only following one lady and I think we're getting close to the bus! Then she runs into a washroom. It's a dead end. I scream out of frustration.

*end of dream*

Dream 025 - Discarded items, a guitar case, a subbasement

This one is a little strange. I can pinpoint one element in this dream. I spent some time yesterday doing some cleaning and I set some things aside for my sister to sell at her next yard sale.

*start of dream*

I live in an apartment building downtown. I’m waiting in the lobby for someone to arrive. A lady shows up carrying a cardboard box. Inside are some old things of mine that I no longer want or require. She is asking me to buy back my own things to support charity. I tell her that I don’t have any money, but will go inside to get $5.

I walk down the hallway towards my apartment. A man is waiting outside my door. He’s holding a guitar case. I get excited as apparently I know this man and I forget all about my quest to retrieve $5.

I lead the man to a subbasement in the apartment building. I’m thrilled that this man is here because apparently we are collaborating on some song writing. I had recently found the perfect space for writing music, I tell him. No one else knows about the subbasement and it’s completely soundproof.

*end of dream*

Dream 024 - sharing, a drawer, shopping

*start of dream*

I'm at work. I'm waiting for a co-worker to walk down the hall. I have something hidden in a binder that I'm holding. The binder is white and green in colour. I realize that this co-worker knows about what is in the binder, so I hand it over for review. Someone else is coming so she hands the binder back and I put it in a drawer. I should know what was in the binder but I never knew in the dream.

I decide to go shopping. I'm in a big box store. I'm there with two other people who I should know, but I really don't. They both have shopping carts that are overflowing with purchases. They are arguing about birthdays. How much is too much to buy for each other's birthday is the main focus of the argument. One person wants a lot but the other doesn't want to give a lot.

*end of dream*

Dream 023 – a contest, a TV show, a mistake

This was last night’s dream. To protect the innocent (me!), I will not reveal the name of the TV show that I was dreaming about. It is a real show and I do watch it regularly, but I’m about twice the age of the target audience so it’s somewhat embarrassing to admit it somehow made it in my dream last night. I do reveal a main character’s name below, so the comments are open for any guesses.

*start of dream*

I decide to enter a contest to write a spec script for a TV show. (If you’ve never heard of a TV spec script, eHow covers it.) The interesting part about this contest is that for the finalists, the actors from the TV show will do a reading of the script for the judges.

The writing part was a breeze, and I soon find out that I’m a finalist in the contest. I’m invited to come to a TV set to meet the actors and hear my script through their interpretation.

I’m sitting off to the side of the set when I look down at my script. To my horror, I realize that I’ve given a “character of the week” the same first name as a main character - Tyler. I start to panic as I realize the foolishness of the mistake. I look over and can see that the actors are preparing to read my script. I’m realizing that they are probably going to have the real Tyler read the other Tyler’s part and that will be a disaster.

*end of dream*

Dream 022 – a stroll, a storm, child swap

I had a dream on Wednesday night, but unfortunately I didn’t have the time to post until now. I should make it clear that my real dad is not the dad in this dream. Furthermore, I don’t have a younger brother, so clearly I am not the person who I am dreaming to be.

*start of dream*

I am a child. I am walking along the sidewalk holding the hands of two men. I realize that I am the child of a single father. The man on my right is my dad and he is also holding the hand of my younger brother on his right.

The man on the left is my dad’s friend, who is also a single father. He is holding his daughter’s hand in his left hand. I know she is my best friend.

The five of us are enjoying our stroll when a storm kicks up. We take cover in a barn or shed. The wind is blowing extremely hard when debris appears in the sky. Five children start falling from the sky and luckily the five of us manage to catch them all.

These children are all babies or toddlers. We know we must take care of them. I am the oldest child there, so I do my best to help out. I become a pro holding the babies and rocking them for comfort.

My dad announces that he can no longer care for the children. He has to live in the city for my benefit (no further detail was provided.) His friend knows that he should do the same for his daughter’s benefit, but he cannot bring himself to part with the children. They cannot come to the city with us. So the two dads decide to swap kids. My brother goes to live with the other man who will raise my brother and the fallen kids, while my best friend comes to live with me and my dad in the city.

*end of dream*

Dream 021 - name change, guest room, LP

My dreams have been sporadic for the past couple of nights, but last night had enough of a narrative that I can try to recount it.

*start of dream*

I'm going to my brother's house. He's living in a house in the country. When I'm waiting for him to open the door, I notice that his mailbox has many letters in it. I grab the mail and notice that it's someone else's name on the envelopes. The last name is Edgemont. My brother opens the door and I tell him he has someone else's mail. My brother than tells me that he's changed his name and so has mom. They are both Edgemonts now. He says it's a long story, but it has something to do with applying for a line of credit.

I go inside and the next thing I remember is I'm standing in the doorway to a guest room. There are a ton of flowers in there - On the wall paper and real bouquets everywhere. Then my mom comes from around the corner and tells me it's her room. She's staying with my brother too.

Next, I'm sitting on the floor of my brother's room, only it's his room from when he was a kid. I look through his collection if LPs. I'm looking for one in particular. I find it. I want to hear "give me that old time rock and roll". I put the LP on the player but accidentally play the B side. It plays "have yourself a merry little Christmas." I'm disappointed, but my brother says to listen to the song first. The song ends, and I try to switch the side but when I'm holding the LP, it crumbles into pieces on the floor.

*end of dream*

Dream 020 – hiding, a bookshelf, praying

*start of dream*

My mom’s house and the office are the same place. I’m not sure how this is possible. I’m sitting in the grand-kids’ toy room/boardroom with some co-workers. We have just finished a meeting and are discussing how long it will take for a certain someone to realize where we are. One of my nephews comes in to play cars. We find it amusing to watch him play while avoiding this certain someone.

We hear the floor creaking outside the door and we look at each other. Could it be? Then this person who we're avoiding opens the door and jumps into the room to try and scare us. In that same moment, we hear a simultaneous scream and large bang elsewhere in the house/office.

We all rush downstairs and one of our “take charge” people really takes charge, demanding to know what happened. I’m in the next room with everyone else. We’re curious, but don’t want to stick our noses in too far. We can hear this co-worker sobbing that when they turned around, the bookshelf was hovering upside down and then crashed to the ground. That was the simultaneous scream and bang we had heard. Someone then announced that it was a haunting and a warning.

We all immediately rush into the room furthest from where this haunting had occurring. Many others have already gathered. They are sitting on the floor. Many are sobbing. Some are reciting the Lord’s Prayer.

*end of dream*

Now I don’t want to spook anyone, but if you read Dream 003, you may pick up on some similarities between these two. What left me a little shaken were the words that the bookshelf was a “haunting” and a “warning.”

Dreams 018 & 019 – wheelchair, cupcakes, sleeping bag

I had two sets of dreams last night. I know this because I woke up at about 5 am. Dream 018 occurred before I woke up. Dream 019 occurred after I went back to bed.

*start of first dream*

I was downtown, wandering along the sidewalks, checking out the window displays of different shops. I was confused why those displays were so high up. I look down and see that I’m in a wheelchair.

I notice that a bakery that has just opened up the street. I roll inside and there’s an extra long display cabinet. I see white cupcakes with heaps of white icing. They look fantastic and they are right next to some amazing fudge. I’m readying to place my order when I wake up.

*end of first dream*

*start of second dream*

I’m a child again. My mother has just pulled into the driveway from shopping. I hop outside to see her. Why am I hopping? I’m wrapped up tightly in my sleeping bag. My mother is quite disappointed in me because the ground is wet and I’m out here (again) in my sleeping bag. What would the neighbours think?

I return inside and my sister and her friend are laughing at me. They think it’s pathetic that I’m hopping around in my sleeping bag, so I get into a shouting match letting them know that it’s the best way to get around and always stay warm. It also makes TV watching so much better! They respond that obviously if I’m saying that, I’ve never known a fireman or wanted to be one when I grow up. (That comment made so much sense in my dream, but not now…)

My brother comes down the stairs and starts pulling at the clean laundry that I’m now holding. (I don’t remember picking anything up.) He likes to taunt me, so he grabs my red t-shirt saying he’s going to wear it and stretch it out. I throw the laundry down and chase after him as quickly as I can (still in a sleeping bag.)

*end of second dream*

Dream 017 - retirement, rain, missed appointment

I've been having some off nights recently. Either I haven't been dreaming or I've been too rushed in the morning that I haven't been able to post.

I'm back!

*start of dream*

I was at work. I'm standing in the open area of my department where our newest staff members sit. Two of the most senior people in the organization are rushing around to get the "password." The rest of us are watching them, looking rather confused. We get this strange look from one of them.

A while later, we're told to look at our website. When we navigate to the homepage, there is a flashing message. "The rumors are true! _______ is retiring May 25." I'm pleased with the news, as is one of my other colleagues. Another colleague starts bawling like its the end of the world. This will be the end of us, she wails. We'll be left without any direction and won't know what to do. I look at her like she's crazy and start explaining how this is actually a great blessing and with great timing. Then I look at the clock. I'm late for an appointment at 1:30 pm.

I rush outside into the rain. I hop on the first bus that's heading in the right direction. I think I'm close, so I ring the bell and hop off. I realize that I'm not even close and there are no more buses around. I start running through the rain. I pull out my cell with GPS and type in the address. I can't afford anymore mistakes. I look at the time. It's 1:30 pm on the dot. I keep running, but I'm not getting far. I look again at the time. It's now 1:45 pm. I've missed my appointment and now I'm worried about a missed appointment charge. Oh well!

*end of dream*

Dream 016 - with a message?

I had a dream last night and it wasn't entirely formed.

*start of dream*

I know this dream was about work and there were a lot of emotions being expressed by others - namely disappointment and frustration. Something wasn't working. I was presenting solutions but rather than acting on any of them, the choice by others was to continue fuming. And this only fueled MY disappointment and frustration more.

*end of dream*

I woke up just feeling like I should "do something" - raw ambition that I just need to channel.

Dream 015 - fish, a breakdown, an old boss

This one was a little worrisome. I think it has to do with some extra stressors at work yesterday.

*start of dream*

I was at work and a co-worker came to see me. Something's going on and you have to go to the front of the office, she reveals. When I arrive, I discover that another co-worker has pranked me by putting my stuff in an aquarium of fish! Now, I hate fish. They really creep me out. And I start to lose it.

This co-worker has been causing me problems and this just pushes me over the edge. I have a screaming match and then I retreat to my office (which wasn't in its usual place). The co-worker that alerted me to the prank comes to check in me, but I refuse to talk to her. I'm fuming and I can't bear to talk to anyone. All I want is peace and quiet.

I was in my office for a while when there's another knock on the door. This person doesn't listen to my plea to go away. She lets herself in and I'm amazed that it's my boss from a former job.

As an aside, I may have been doing arts and crafts at some point during the dream. I seem to recall cutting paper stars and making a collage by taping them together.

*end of dream*

Dream 014 - mini dream - paper airplanes

This one was short, but funny (to me).

*start of dream*

A co-worker walks up to me. The print shop is on the phone, she says. They have a question about the order. Which order? About the paper airplane order, of course! It's at this point I'm informed that another one of my co-workers is running a paper airplane business out of the office. Business is booming! Who would have thought paper airplanes were so popular?!

*end of dream*

A dream for family only

Last night I had a very meaningful dream. It was about my Dad. I’ve told my mother and sisters about it, but I don’t feel right posting it here. The dream had a simple message for us. Dad is okay.

Dream 013 - a new house, the neighbours, a fence

*start of dream*

I was in the driveway of my house. I knew it was the morning because there was quite a bit of traffic. I'm in the car and I drive to the edge of my neighbourhood. I make a right hand turn to head into the newer subdivision.

After driving past a few side streets, I pull into the driveway of an attached home. I realize that I own this home and this is my first time inside. I walk up onto the covered front porch and the neighbours come out from next door to greet me. They ask if I am the new owner and I confirm. They walk inside with me.

As we're standing near the entrance, they ask if I'm a student, to which I respond that I'm not. I let them know that I was asked that repeatedly at my old place, which I still need to sell or rent.

We head out to the backyard. The way the neighbourhood has been constructed, there's quite a small field between me and the backyard neighbours. I have a fence in my yard and half of it is made out of wood. The other hall is chain link.

While I don't own a dog I can see one running through the yard. The neighbours ask if he's mine and I respond "not yet".

The neighbours then advise me to ask someone about the fence, as apparently it's not finished. We head back inside to chat.

I want to go upstairs, but I'm more concerned with being polite. As we're chatting, I'm thinking about what awaits upstairs. I realize that I don't know the layout of upstairs or any other details. I bought without seeing it first.

*end of dream*

Dream 012 – Home invasion, fingers, blood

Yes, the title says it all. But believe me when I say it was not a nightmare! I had a vivid dream where I was completely aware I was dreaming, but I was not in control of what was happening.

*start of dream*

I was sleeping at my aunt’s house. I wake up in the morning and I find my aunt and uncle in the room across from mine. They are sorting through the contents of a cabinet. They tell me that the house was broken into during the night and whoever robbed them tore through the cabinet, spilling the contents everywhere.

I tell them that we were lucky that we weren’t harmed, because it could have been much worse. So then I thought about the worse case scenario and I found myself back in bed. I was woken up by a hand over my mouth. I couldn’t scream.

Then this man (who I don’t know) comes up behind the intruder. He grabs him and proceeds to kick the living daylights out of him. This man ties up the intruder and demands to know why he came. The intruder refuses to talk, so the man whips out a knife. It’s a huge butcher’s knife - sharp and deadly.

The man turns to the intruder and tells him that he will cut off his hands, but it’s up to him whether he cuts off the fingers first, so start talking. Apparently the hero in my dreams is a psycho!

Next came the fingers, followed by a lot of blood.

Again, not a nightmare.

*end of dream*

Dream 011 – An emergency, a family, my family

Last night was a sequence of quick scenes. I could try to make sense of them, but I prefer the mystery!

*start of dream*

I was running down some stairs and making my way through small corridors. I don’t know where I was, but I knew where I was going. There was some sort of emergency and I needed to be somewhere fast. It felt like it was an industrial setting, or maybe an underground facility, or maybe a ship. There was no outside light and the walls were painted yellow. The floors were an industrial-style textured metal. By the time I got to where I needed to go, I knew the emergency was only a drill.

I was sitting with a family. There was an older couple, a younger man and a small baby. It wasn’t clear whether the couple was the baby’s parents or grandparents. The family was multilingual. They could converse in any language spoken to them, but could only speak in a private language with each other. As I was sitting with them, I asked the younger man if he could slow down when he spoke to his family because I wanted to try and learn too. He didn’t respond to my request.

Then I was sitting with my family - parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. We were gathered in the family room watching TV. It was a show set in the past, probably around the 1930s or 40s. The title of the show was “Auntie.” We were having a friendly argument as to whether it was set in Nova Scotia or somewhere on the west coast. My dad started to lower his head like he was falling asleep. My mom yelled at him to go upstairs to bed if he was tired. He jerked awake and responded that he wasn’t tired at all. I looked at my sister and we exchanged an awkward glance with each other, presumably because we both had knowledge of his death.

*end of dream*

Dream 010 - mini dream - nephew, newspaper, water

It's been fairly quiet in the dream department recently. This one was very quick.

*start of dream*

My sister was visiting with her family, which includes small children. Her middle child likes to test limits. No one was watching him. He found some old newspapers and dropped them in my turtle's aquarium. The poor little turtle! He didn't know what to do. I had to fish them all out without getting snapped at. The turtle is not aggressive, but he was clearly getting upset. After I removed all the newspapers, the water was extremely cloudy. I confront my sister, but I can't remember what her exact response was. I do remember that she was convinced it was my fault that her son dropped the papers in.

*end of dream*

Dream 009 - a truck, a gas station, birds

I wish I had time to write this down this morning, but I was running late. Some parts have faded from memory a bit, but let’s give it a try.

*start of dream*

It was dark outside and I was driving a big old truck. I was approaching a stop light and I was having trouble with the brakes. I wasn’t slowing down very well. I ended up rolling into the intersection, but thankfully nothing hit me. I managed to make a right hand turn and started to go down the road, which was also a gradual downhill slope.

As I was going down the hill, I noticed that my sister was sitting in the passenger seat next to me. I tried the brakes and again they were not working. My sister starts giving me heck for driving an unsafe vehicle, but luckily there’s a gas station at the bottom of the hill. We come to a bumpy stop (after jumping the curb) in the parking lot of the gas station.

We head inside to get some help. I realize that this gas station is owned by a former co-worker at an old job of mine (this guy actually does own a store in real life, but not a gas station). He tells me and my sister that he’ll have his guys look at the truck, but in the meantime, we could go sit in his truck because the store was really too small for us to wait.

We go to sit in his truck, only it’s more like a space shuttle with lots of crazy displays and chairs that swivel. This truck completely rocks! And apparently it has a mind of its own because it starts to back up very slowly.

My sister and I freak out as we try the controls. Eventually my sister figures it out and we manage to drive the truck back to our starting point. We both decide it’s best to wait outside, so we get out of the truck. We then realize that we’re also next to a lake. A pelican walks by with a duck in his beak. The pelican was holding on to the duck by his butt. The duck wasn’t struggling, but had more of an expression of annoyance.

My sister didn’t like the bullying that the pelican was doing to the duck, so she grabbed a big stick and started banging it around on the ground to try and scare the pelican so he’d drop the duck. The pelican did just that. And then the pelican picked up the stick and started waving it around at my sister. It was extremely funny until he clobbered her over the head. She was more insulted than hurt.

*end of dream*

Dream 008 - shattered glass, a vacuum, moss

So the first thing I thought about when I woke up? "Oh no! I can't remember my dreams!" So I lay there for a minute, relaxed and they just floated back to me. They had two different settings, three sets of characters, but it all flowed together in some illogical way.

*start of dream*

One of my coworkers was at my house and for some reason decided to sit on my glass dining room table. The table started to shift and contort and just as this person hopped off, it shattered on the ground. This person just stood there with this "I don't know how that happened" look. Really? I wasn't mad because the practical part of me knew that I could get the glass replaced. But then I thought about it more and thought that I would be doing my coworker a disservice in the long run if I told this person that this action and result was fine. So I freaked. "you're a (insert many adjective expletives) (insert mean noun). Get out! Get the (expletive) out!"

Next, I'm cleaning up the glass with one of my aunt's friends. She's a nice lady, but her eyesight is not perfect. She's using the wand attachment from the vacuum and for some reason the glass is being blown around. Because she can't see the extremely small pieces, she's unaware that she's not cleaning well. It takes a moment of observing her and then I reach for the wand and test the attachment. It's blowing warm air on my hand. I fiddle with the vacuum controls and then it starts to suck again. Success!

Next I'm in a rundown house in a very small town. I'm a masters student or some kind of researcher. I'm there with a fellow masters student/researcher. Every morning we hike out to the woods and conduct research on an invasive moss species and light levels. We've just returned to our home base when my fellow researcher announces that he's moving out. I'm shocked! When I ask why, he can't provide any answer. He says he'll continue to work with me, but he can't live in the same home base anymore. The omniscient part of me knows that it is a very silly reason, but I can't place my finger in it.

*end of dream*

Dream 007 - a shopping cart, a field, a missing shoe

Strange dream with no real, meaningful narrative.

*start of dream*

I am sitting in a shopping cart in the middle of a field, only it feels like a football field or stadium. It has a strange design with pockets of grass that extend out from the main field at various places.

I'm not there alone. One of my coworkers is now pushing me around in the shopping cart. Except now it's not a shopping cart, but a cage made out of shopping cart metal. I'm stuck and freaking out. I manage to escape the cage, only I'm sitting on top of it and it's now about 20 feet off the ground.

My coworker doesn't seem to register my distress and continues to push the cart around the field, causing me to hang on tightly or risk falling. She stops pushing me when we arrive to the end if the field. I am trying to climb down, only to realize the grass is covered is dog poop! I also am missing a shoe. How did that happen?

I land on the ground, prioritizing a clean landing for my socked foot. I made it! I hop through the dog poop obstacle course and find a cleaner section ahead in the field. It's not grassed, but a groomed dirt.

*end of dream*

What do you do when rest is not restful?

I’ve gone several nights with no dreams. I wake up feeling more tired than the night before. I know that in time this will pass. In the meantime…

Dream 006 - driving, signs

I had an usual moment at work yesterday. We have flexible hours so I have made the habit of coming in slightly late and staying late. It's been like this for a while because my old boss used to do the same hours and then give me a ride to the bus stop (huge time saver). Now that she's left, I'm often alone for a bit of time after the office closes. I enjoy the quiet because it allows me to focus without needing to answer other people's questions or deal with distractions.

So yesterday I was sitting at my desk after closing and all of a sudden the small metal filing cabinet next to me lets off this big noise like someone had kicked it! I didn't jump nor was I scared. I looked, saw nothing could have made the noise and immediately thought of my dad.

This little tale may explain the second part of my dream. When I was younger, I knew a guy several years older than me who decided to become a minister. It was known that he had an experience of some sort that washed away any doubt or disbelief in a higher power. He would refuse, however, to discuss this experience with anyone. He said it was too personal. Anyway, while he was not in my dream, a lady that knew him well and who had made similar life choices was...

*start of dream*

I was in the passenger seat of my car. Someone was driving. He was male, young and could have been a friend or family. I just couldn't remember who he was by the time I woke up. We were driving somewhere where there were a lot of roads but not much anything else. It could have been a desert. We needed to go the opposite direction and after pulling through an intersection we made a quick 180 turn. Then we were driving and needed to make a left hand turn. I told the driver to slow down, but his response was that he could handle it. We made the left hand turn and the car almost skidded out into a light post. The driver laughed. I wasn't sure if he was laughing because I was right that he should slow down or if he was just trying to scare me.

Next I was standing with this lady I used to know who was studying to become a minister and a lady who was a minister. They were chatting about signs - signs of God and signs from the beyond. I was just listening when the first lady turned to me. She told me that the aforementioned guy's experience was that he was talking to his mother one day and right before his own eyes, she disappeared. My dream wasn't clear whether it was really his mother or an apparition. Either way, it was not explainable.

*end of dream*

Dream 005 - doughnuts, time sheets, a church

Yet again I was dreaming, but without the typical formed narrative. Three elements stood out in particular. Two of which I can connect back to recent events. The third was a little more random, but I think it was my subconscious letting me know there was something still unresolved...

*start of dream*

I went to a doughnut shop. Amazing handmade doughnuts were everywhere. I was with my sister. That's it.

Next, I was talking about time sheets with a colleague that i know from volunteering. Her organization was having trouble with their time sheet program. I offered to help.

Next, I was waiting in church for a service to start. My siblings and their children were all there. I kept trying to count the children because I knew there were the same number of children as there were adults. Except my counting never confirmed what I knew. It was somewhat frustrating.

*end of dream*

See? Erratic and basic nonsense. I ate an amazing doughnut yesterday. Dream explained. I'm still probably processing my dad's funeral. Dream explained. Not sure about the time sheet business. Work will be busy for the next two months, so it's probably my subconscious trying to get me to focus...